Marital Satisfaction of Second Wives Undergoing Siri Polygamy among Orêng Kênêks

. Polygamy is not only practiced by kiai, officials, klebun, or blater (fighters) but also practiced by orêng kênêk, such as farmers, fishermen, drivers, pedicab drivers and people who do not have permanent jobs and other. This study aims to determine the marital satisfaction of second wives undergoing siri polygamy in orêng kênêk in Bnagkalan Madura Regency. Marital satisfaction is described by each individual's subjective assessment of the overall quality of the marriage. Data collection used interview techniques with semi-structured interview guidelines. There were 3 participants selected in this research using the purposive sampling technique, with the following criteria: 1) Madurese women among orêng kênêk with a final education of junior high school; 2) undergoing polygamy as a siri second wife; 3) the marriage age is more than five years; 4) aged between 40-60 years. This study uses a phenomenological qualitative approach with an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA). The results of the research show that the marital satisfaction of second wives undergoing siri polygamy among orêng kênêk is described in two master themes, including: 1) positive acceptance of polygamy, which contains the meaning of polygamy as God's destiny, awareness of being a second wife as well as an attitude of submission and patience as an adaptation process; and 2) Satisfaction with polygamy which includes achieving perfection in life, positive relationship with husband, commitment to marriage and gratitude. The findings can be applied to increase marital satisfaction for second wives in facing siri polygamy.


INTRODUCTION
This study will examine the marital satisfaction of the siri (unofficial) second wives undergoing siri polygamy among orêng kênêk.The marital satisfaction of a second wife undergoing siri polygamy among the orêng kênêk is described by each individual's subjective assessment of the overall quality of the marriage.The siri polygamy in question is a polygamous marriage that is unofficial or illegal because it is not officially registered at the local Office of Religious Affairs (Kantor Urusan Agama/KUA), so it has no legal force (Darmawijaya, 2020).
Generally, polygamy in Madura is only practiced by men who have positions or are economically well-established, such as kiai, officials, klebun (village heads), or a blater (fighters) who influenced the community (Rifai, 2007).However, when the researchers conducted a preliminary study, it turned out that polygamy was also found among ordinary people (commoners) or what are called orêng kênêk, who do not have sufficient material or influence in society.Orêng kênêk is considered the lowest level in Madura Society, such as farmers, fishermen, drivers, pedicab drivers and people without permanent jobs (Fajariyah, 2020).Generally, they have low education from the junior high school level (Sekolah Menengah Pertama/SMP) and below.Some have never even received an education (Herlianto., 2019).
The preliminary study was carried out in November 2021-January 2022 against NA (69 years), a second wife who has been undergoing siri polygamy for 26 years (1997) with a farmer (75 years).NA is a widow who never had any public education.The reason why NA decided to undergo polygamy was based on love and economic reasons as well as a lack of understanding of the function of a marriage book.From the results of the interviews, it was found that many life problems had to be faced by NA in carrying out her role as siri second wife.For example, she was getting terror from the first wife and gossip from some people who do not like it.In addition, being siri second wife, NA must also be ready to share a husband, ready not to demand a living, and the desire to always live with her husband.The interview results also show that NA is satisfied with her marriage, as expressed below."...I am satisfied because my husband is responsible, continues to understand religion, and can be a priest for me... compared to my first husband who liked to gamble, I am more satisfied with this one... if there were many problems, my husband would leave me, my first wife would threaten to kill me, once, "There is a lot... but thank God, I am fine so far.I am more than 25 years old now."(NA, 69 years old 2022).
From the results of the interview above, it shows that NA felt satisfied even though, at the beginning of her marriage, she received much pressure, but she was able to go through the process well.NA is satisfied because her husband is responsible and understands religion so that he can be a good priest for her.
YN, who has been experiencing polygamy for more than 25 years, also expressed satisfaction and happiness in her marriage.
"Yes, I have children, my husband cares...I am happy and satisfied too, even though at first I was often hurt and jealous when my husband left me to go home to his older sister... but I can still survive until now. it has been 13 years."(YN, 45 years old, 2022).
The results of the statement above, it shows that NA and YN feel pure and happy in their marriage.Marital satisfaction is each individual's subjective assessment of the overall quality of the marriage and is the peak of marital happiness felt by the husband and wife (Veronika & Afdal, 2021).The couple themselves creates marital satisfaction, there needs to be awareness about the household to achieve marital satisfaction (Rosana & Ediati, 2020).Ten aspects are a reference for satisfaction in marriage, according to Fowers & Olson (1993) namely: personality issues, equality roles, communication, conflict resolution, financial management, leisure activities, sexual relationship, children and marriage, family and friends, religious orientation.
Polygamy is a marriage model in which a husband has more than one wife simultaneously (Cholil, 2014).Meanwhile, nikah siri means marriage underhand, a process of marriage in accordance with the rules and regulations in Islam, as their guardian, witness, and the Islamic marriage contract, but is not officially registered at the Religious Affairs Office (KUA) (Sobari, 2018).Thus, it can be concluded that siri polygamy is a model of marriage where the husband has more than one wife simultaneously.However, it is not officially registered with the KUA.
Siri polygamy has various negative impacts, especially for women.For example, legally, the wife does not have the right to demand a living, inheritance, joint property, and complaints in the event of domestic violence (KDRT) (Huda & Shalihah, 2016).Psychologically, for the wife, it can cause inner discomfort, irritated; not confident, and feel helpless (Halfiah., 2019); labeled "temptress woman" and "itch women" (Hikmah, 2012); as well as being considered a "usurper for other people's husbands" (Fahmi, 2016).
Apart from the various negative impacts described above, previous research on polygamy also conducted by Aditi (2019) on Hindu communities in Mataram City found that the factors behind their practicing polygamy were empathy, economic problems, and the need for protection, In addition, families often experience conflicts because they feel they are mistreated; 3) the psychological impact on the wife, which causes the wife to feel unhappy, due to the loss of inner contact and the emergence of feelings of inferiority due to low self-esteem.Similar research conducted by Harahap and Siregar (2022) in Sibanggor Tonga Village, Puncak Sorik Marapi Subdistrict, Mandailing Natal Regency, shows that polygamy practiced in this village is not just a form of sexual harassment.
Research on polygamy was also conducted by Farid and Hidayat (2021), who also examined a similar issue, finding psychological and mental violence against women who were polygamous by kiai, which then led to resistance for pesantren women against kiai polygamy in Madura, both open and closed resistance.This shows that although economically, socially, and religiously, women's lives are guaranteed, they still feel psychological unease, such as inner anxiety, heartache, and even disappointment when what happens does not match expectations or swallow the husband's false promises.Muzzammil et al. (2021) regarding the polygamy of Islamic boarding school clerics in Maudra, found that clerics make pre-marital contracts with prospective wives so as not to demand justice.In such a construction, women are conditioned always to accept and obey their husbands.Research on second wife satisfaction was also carried out by Anggita (2018), who found that second wife satisfaction was formed due to several things, namely: the husband's personality matched his wishes, the feeling of being involved in managing family finances and feeling trusted, good communication, openness when resolving conflicts which are done together and never stops.
Some of the studies on polygamy that have been presented above only discuss issues related to law, religion, economics, discrimination, violence, and injustice against women and children.In addition, research conducted in Madura only discusses polygamy among kiai who are socially and economically established.So far, there has been no research that discusses polygamy explicitly among commoners or what is called orêng kênêk.Therefore, this research is interesting to study because when polygamy is carried out by orêng kênêk who do not have sufficient economic resources and influence in society, the problems and burdens borne by women are also getting heavier, especially with their status as unofficial (siri) wives.This makes it unique to be studied further.In addition, orêng kênêk's polygamous households run for quite a long time (lasting) without divorce.
On the other hand, satisfaction in marriage is essential, considering that many couples practice polygamy, but their marriages do not run harmoniously, violence and discrimination often occur, and so on.Starting from this, this research wants to explore the marital satisfaction of second wives in undergoing siri polygamy among orêng kênêk.

METHOD
This research used a qualitative and phenomenological approach with the Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) version.There were 3 participants selected based on the purposive sampling technique with the following criteria: 1) Madurese women among orêng kênêk with a maximum education limit is junior high school graduates because this is a common characteristic of the educational background of orêng kênêk (the lower-class community), some of whom have never received public education (Fajariyah, 2020;Herlianto, 2019); 2) undergoing polygamy with the status of siri (unofficial) second wife; 3) the marriage age is more than five years, because at that age the husband and wife can go through the adjustment stage which is prone to conflict, and are now assumed to have a mature marriage commitment (Purba et al., 2020); 4) aged between 40-60 years, because ages 40 to 60 are middle adulthood (Santrock, 2011), where women experience a mid-life crisis (Afiatin, 2018).
Data was collected with in-depth interviews guided by semi-structured interview guidelines with each participant in their house (ex., Can you tell me about your marriage experience?)Data collection process activities used voice recorder tools and field note sheets to record things during interviews and observations (Poerwandari, 2007).The interview guide is expected to contain neutral questions that reflect ephocē, which means putting effort into brackets.Parentheses are knowledge that has been ingrained in the researcher, which has the potential to interfere with seeing other people's experiences for what they are.By carrying out ephocē, researchers are committed to seeing other people as they are without being distorted by assumptions/judgments/speculation/theories (Kahija, 2017).
The data analysis technique used in this study is Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA), which relies on three main pillars, namely: 1) phenomenological philosophy, which relies on epoch; 2) interpretation that relies on the understanding of each participant's statement without removing the entire transcript; and 3) ideography that takes into account the uniqueness of the participants (Kahija, 2017).The following are the steps in carrying out natural science data analysis, namely: 1) reading the transcript repeatedly; 2) making initial notes; 3) creating emergent themes; 4) creating a superordinate theme; 5) proceeding to the next case; 6) looking for the same pattern between cases; 7) describe the central theme.

Participant Overview
This research was conducted at each participant's home by adjusting the time each participant gave.The researcher conducted in-depth interviews using semi-structured interview guidelines and recorded the interview results using phone recording devices.This research involved 3 Madurese women undergoing siri polygamy among the orêng kênêk (lower class society) with the status of second wives, aged 40 to 60 years, and had been practicing polygamy for more than five years.The three participants also come from among orêng kênêk families, did not graduate from elementary school, and lived in Bangkalan Regency, Madura.Participants were identified by the initials ST, MN, and SU.ST is a farmer (51 years old), married in 1986 (36 years undergoing polygamy) to a man (71 years old) who works as a farmer and with the consent of the first wife.ST was 14 years old when she married, while her husband was 33.ST and her husband have five children from this marriage, four boys (married) and one girl (unmarried).ST lived with her parents in Kokop Village at the beginning of her marriage.However, in 2012, she followed her husband and lived next to his first wife's house.Besides farming, ST also sells snacks at her house for daily needs.
MN (50 years old), a farmer who has been practicing siri polygamy since 2014 with a farmer (57 years undergoing polygamy).Currently, they have been married for nine years and have no children.MN and her husband married without the knowledge and consent of the first wife.MN lives in her own house with her parents, while her husband lives with his first wife in the house they built together.The last participant, SU (48 years old), has been practicing siri polygamy since 1991 (31 years) with a driver (58 years old).SU and her husband married with the first wife's consent, but they live in different houses.SU and her husband have two children who were adopted by her brother-in-law (husband's brother).The husband does not have a permanent job as a call driver, so for daily needs, SU works as a gerjhih (celebration cook) and sells coffee at a stall near her house.
The three participants met the requirements according to the criteria determined by the researcher.The three participants who have status as siri second wife and not graduated from elementary school can be seen in the table 1 for more details Based on the research findings, the researcher found two master themes and seven superordinate themes including: (1) Positive acceptance of polygamy, which contains the meaning of polygamy as God's destiny, Awareness of being a second wife, and a submissive attitude, patience as an adaptation process; (2) Satisfaction in undergoing polygamy which contains achieving perfection in life, commitment in marriage and gratitude.The summary of the main themes and superordinate themes can be seen in the following table.

Master Themes Superordinate themes
Positive acceptance of polygamy The meaning of polygamy as God's destiny.
Awareness of being a second wife and a submissive attitude.
Patience as an adaptation process.

Satisfaction in undergoing polygamy Achieving perfection in life
Commitment in marriage Gratitude.

Theme 1. Positive acceptance of polygamy
The form of positive acceptance of polygamy is shown through several things, namely, the meaning of polygamy as destiny: awareness of being a second wife and a submissive attitude, and commitment to marriage.
The meaning of polygamy as God's destiny.Participants revealed that polygamy was interpreted as God's unavoidable destiny.According to them, it can't be avoided no matter how strong it is if their soul mate is married to a married man.According to soul mate participants, sustenance and death have become God's provisions.Therefore, they have to keep going, even though sometimes they are forced to do it."Yes, it is destiny, because soul mate is God's secret.God The participants' understanding of marriage or polygamy as God's unavoidable destiny is the influence of religious understanding (belief ) and understandings obtained from the surrounding environment that are already rooted in them.This is in line with the results of research by Fahmi (2016) that one of the abilities of women to maintain their marriage is due to the belief that polygamy is God's destiny, which must be accepted in living life.Akbar (2019), in a study of the second wife in a polygamous marriage, found that the second wife interpreted her polygamous marriage as learning about patience and sincerity in accepting God's destiny.
Awareness of being a second wife and a submissive attitude.The participant realized that her position as the second/ young wife was the cause of problems in the family because she was married to someone else's husband.This awareness makes hasur participants always give in to everything, sacrificing their interests to their husband and first wife."...... well, what is more, our position is with the young, yes, we are self-aware, we also have to be careful, we give in a lot so that arguments do not happen" (ST,W3,(114)(115)(116)(117) The attitude of giving in is directed at the first wife and the husband, as expressed by MN. "...I am sure I will give in first."Later, when it is cold (tanang), then I'll talk again... it will be slowed down later, either him or me, but mostly I give in... the one who calms me down..." (MN,W2,(16)(17)(18)(19)(20)(21)(22)(23)(24)(25).
Based on the explanation above, it is clear that the participants are always aware of their position as second wives, which is the cause of problems.Therefore, in their daily lives,, they give in more to their husbands and first wives to avoid arguments.Giving in means applying awareness always to suppress or control the ego (Yuniariandini, 2017).In conflict resolution theory, giving in is known as "obliging".That is, someone tends to give in to another party by giving up their interests, while the other person gets maximum benefits (Rahim, 2001).According to obliging is used by individuals to maintain relationships.
Patience as an adaptation process.Participants revealed that it was very difficult for them to live at the beginning of their marriage.Feelings of annoyance, and jealousy often arise, especially when it is the husband's turn to visit his young wife.However, as time went by, participants were able to adapt to their marriage, so they began to get used to it and were able to develop positive feelings within themselves.They apply to always be patient, consider everything to be God's destiny, and consider that good and bad are normal things in life.
"If you are still in the early days, you feel it, now that you are old, just be patient and trust in Allah.If it is your fate, that is your fate, just do it sincerely" (MN,W1,(194)(195)(196).
"Yes, it is tough, cong.. for example, if you are part of the West (old wife) cong, I am already annoyed.I am going to take it easy now, cong.. yes, that is the risk of cong marrying someone else's husband.. yes, that is the challenge.You have to be strong and patient., you can hold it like that."(SU,W2,(179)(180)(181).
The positive feelings felt by the participants at this time and their patient attitude in accepting God's destiny are not easy things to achieve.This requires a relatively long marital adjustment process.(Herawati, 2016) said that marital adjustment is not an absolute condition but rather a long process because each person can change at any time, so each couple must make marital adjustments.Patience can improve daily interactions with your partner, increasing positive relationships in marriage.Impatient individuals are more likely to experience divorce in marriage (Paola & Gioia, 2017).Patience is acknowledged or not because of compulsion.Patience is a way for individuals to avoid feelings of disappointment, hurt, and anger, which can lead to prolonged conflict (Rohmad, 2017).

Theme 2. Satisfaction in undergoing polygamy
Satisfaction in undergoing polygamy is described in several ways: achieving a perfect life, such as having a healthy body, having children, getting along well with the first wife's family, being together with her husband, and having sufficient sustenance and feeling comfortable because her husband is caring.
Achieving perfection in life.Participants ST and SU expressed a similar feeling of satisfaction in their marriage, namely that they thought their life was quite perfect.Perfect here is the fulfillment of desires in life, such as having children and living in harmony with the first wife and fellow children, living with the husband, and having enough sustenance for daily food.
"Yes, thank God, I am satisfied.In other words, my life is perfect.I was given safety, health... the eparengih children are finished slamet (given health, safety).In other words, I do not feel deprived.The children have jobs."(ST,W3,(194)(195)(196)(197)(198) "Yes, what makes me satisfied and happy is no fighting, security, peace...I do not have debts, I have enough to eat...I do not fight with those over there... I've had enough."(MN,W1,(529)(530)(531)(532)(533)(534).The feeling of satisfaction in undergoing siri polygamy expressed by the two participants above is in accordance with Diener (2009), who said that health and adequacy (income) can influence a person's satisfaction.
Positive relationship with husband or partner.The satisfaction felt by MN is more about a positive relationship with his husband or partner.This positive relationship is shown by the husband's caring attitude, being given a massage when tired, being taken to the market when he wants to shop, being satisfied with being able to serve his husband, and eating with his husband.
"I am satisfied because of the attention because if I am tired, he can understand, for example, getting a massage, if I feel like that, I will get a massage.If I go to the market where someone is waiting for me, my husband will accompany me, I can serve my husband, for example, eating together with my husband."(MN,W1,(529)(530)(531)(532)(533)(534) Satisfaction can also be obtained because of a positive relationship with a partner, such as a caring husband, mutual love, etc. Love and affection positively correlate with marital satisfaction (Prasetyo et al., 2015).One form of individual satisfaction in undergoing polygamy is due to the individual's ability to make adjustments to marriage (Lestari & Indrawati, 2020).Marital satisfaction is also influenced by free time between partners (Rosiana et al., 2022).
Commitment in marriage.Participants have a solid commitment to their marriage.This commitment is demonstrated through several things, such as not wanting to betray your husband by looking for another man; bitter and sweet must be passed together; must yield to each other, mutual understanding; If you want to travel, you must have your husband's permission and you cannot complain to your husband.
"Yes, we are already married, we have children, why do we get divorced, for example, looking for another man, poor child, the parents will fall apart... even though people say I marry someone else's husband, yes, I still cannot use the term betrayal husband."(ST, W2, 97-105).
"Yes, we have to be together... we have to go through the bitter and sweet things together... give in to each other... mutual understanding... if the husband is angry, the wife gives in... if the wife is angry, then the husband gives in." (SU, W2, 95-98).
"There is nothing you can complain about to men.You should not convey something unpleasant about someone else to your husband.That is not good.Don't say bad words to your husband."(MN, W1, 672-676).
Maintaining commitment in marriage has made the household relationships of the three participants survive to this day.According to Rahaju et al. (2019), marital commitment is the main factor that influences the quality and stability of marriage.In line with this, Yuniariandini (2017) said that happiness in marriage is based on commitment and closeness to one's partner.An attitude of mutual surrender and mutual understanding between husband and wife also shows commitment in marriage.Giving in means applying awareness to suppress or control one's ego (Yuniariandini, 2017).
Marital commitment is also shown through being loyal to your partner and not wanting to look for another man.Aji et al. (2023) in their research revealed that individuals feel satisfaction in marriage because they have each other, including not wanting to look for another better partner.
Gratitude.Participants revealed that in living life, you must be grateful a lot in order to find peace and happiness in life.This gratitude is shown through accepting and feeling satisfied with what God has given without demanding much.This expression of gratitude is based on several things, such as having a healthy body, being able to gather with family, and having enough sustenance for daily food.
"You still have to be grateful for anything... Yes, I live this life as it is; don't demand too much.Thank you very much for a peaceful and happy life, bro.What is not to be grateful for, Cong?I already have children, I live with my husband, I live healthy, and I have enough food every day.I don't need to look for debt.I am already grateful, Cong." (SU,W2,(277)(278)(279)(280)(281)(282)(283)(284).
Meanwhile, she expressed her gratitude because her husband had changed for the better, such as praying and fasting during the month of Ramadan.
"So the point is to be grateful, sometimes I cry (a little teary-eyed while looking down) praying if this is what it is during fasting, I am so happy that I cry, I am so happy."(MN, W1, 640-665).
Based on the description above, it can be concluded that the three participants have a high sense of gratitude for the life they live.Lestari (2021), in her research revealed that gratitude can give rise to positive life experiences, feeling maximum satisfaction with life and enjoying their situation to make themselves happy.The higher a person's sense of gratitude, the higher their happiness (subjective well-being) or life satisfaction (Ayudahlya & Kusumaningrum, 2019).

CONCLUSION
Based on the results of data analysis and the literature review carried out, it can be concluded that the marrital satisfaction of second wives undergoing siri polygamy among oreng kenek is described on two master theme, including 1) positive acceptance of polygamy that includes the meaning of polygamy as God's destiny and, awareness of being a second wife and a submissive attitude, patience as an adaptation process; and 2) Satisfaction in undergoing polygamy that including achieving perfection in life, positive relationship with husband, commitment in marriage and gratitude.
These themes are related to form satisfaction in marriage.Polygamy is interpreted as part of God's destiny that cannot be avoided, so whatever happens, the second wife must accept it as part of life.By interpreting polygamy as a destiny from God, the second wife in siri polygamy can accept it positively, be patient and not make many demands.This is then able to minimize the occurrence of conflict in the family so that participants can develop positive emotions such as a sense of gratitude and satisfaction in life.
The limitation of this research is that it only focuses on the life satisfaction of the second wife, so it does not fully understand the life satisfaction of the first wife.For further research, it is necessary to research the dynamics of first wives in polygamy to find a complete picture of the differences in satisfaction of first and second wives.In addition, this research only focuses on one

Table 1 .
Demographics of research participants

Table 2 .
's three secrets: death, soul mate, sustenance.If it is fate, he is my soul mate, even if I run anywhere, no matter how hard I avoid it, I will | Marital Satisfaction ... never go anywhere, I'll still meet him."(MN, W1, 87-92)."Yes, it is my destiny to undergo this marriage...I interpret it that way...I accept this situation...I realize that if I take someone else's husband... in other words, it is my destiny."(ST, W2, 249-250).
. "For example, if something goes wrong, or if your father does not come home to me, yes, I am self-conscious, it is also called taking someone's husband.That's what I always instill.What is more, in my position as a young wife or younger, I have to give in a lot.That's already a risk for me, right?" (ST, W1, 241-247)."Even though he wanted to say what he wanted, I still gave in because I was in the wrong."If she is angry, that is natural, that is for sure...who would not be angry if someone took her husband...I realized... it is just a matter of giving in, there is no need to respond...later if you are tired, stop by yourself" (SU, W1, 92-98).